What Christians Need to Understand about Sex

The purpose of sex is building a family; having children and creating a lasting bond between husband and wife. In our society, sex has become viewed as a basic need that everyone should take care of, but that is not true, nor God's view on the topic. A man (or woman) can easily abstain from sex for indefinite periods of time and still regain full sexual function for later marital use.

Unfortunately, emotional needs are often buried and they do not find their natural expression, but the pressure of emotional needs pushes through and expresses itself through anything that it can, leading to sexual addiction and compulsive masturbation and lust. Dealing with emotional needs is a part of recovering from sexual sins, and becoming whole.

The bible does not say much about sex itself, except that we should do it with your wife and enjoy it [1]. What it does say is that a man may not have sex with another man's wife[3], nor engage in perversions, such as bestiality or homosexuality [3,4], one is not to have sex during the menstrual period [5]

Significantly, sex is the core and indeed definition of marriage:
Genesis 2:23 a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh
Matthew 19:6 a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. wWhat therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

There are well-meaning people who insist that sex is something that should only happen INSIDE marriage, but in so saying they are in fact missing the point that becoming one flesh through sex is where the marriage starts. Our other considerations, most importantly the related contracts should follow and respect the sexual covenant. This can be found in scripture where it says that if a man and an unmarried woman have sex, the man needs to marry the woman (in a public way) and not put her away all the days of his life:

Exodus 22:16 If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife. If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the bride-price for virgins.

The point here being that the union in the flesh is to be respected by default, and responsibility taken for providing for the woman financially.

Questions regarding "premarital" sex suddenly become irrelevant: the sexual union is to be held in honor no matter how it begins, and the social marriage must yield to the physical one. Note that a woman that has become one flesh with a man cannot have sex with another. That is adultery, whose punishment in old testament times was death (for both man and woman).

The ritualism of marriage is similarly irrelevant, except for the purpose of communicating the exclusive sexual bond between husband and wife to the surrounding community - to prevent accidental adultery. The marriage ritual can be summed up in this sentence: "this woman is now the wife of this man, any other man approaching her sexually is guilty of capital offense"

[1] Prov. 5:18 may you rejoice in the wife of your youth
[2] Deut 22:22 If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel.
[3] You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.
[4] Do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile yourself with it.
[5] Do not approach a woman to have sexual relations during the uncleanness of her monthly period
[6] Genesis 2:23 a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh
[7] Matthew 19:6 a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. wWhat therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.